The People Took Venice: How Bezos, Kardashians & Co. Ran Italy’s Billionaire Wedding ceremony Week – And Why I Completely Get It
Ninety-six personal jets. That’s what number of billionaires, moguls, celebrities, and VIP handlers descended upon Venice for Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez’s marriage ceremony extravaganza. However this wasn’t Italy’s second. This was America’s shiny, titanium-timed, diamond-dripping present — executed with such precision, it made the Italian hosts appear like disoriented extras on their very own stage.
I stay in Italy. And let me inform you — after the final three weeks, I don’t blame Jeff one bit for parachuting in a full Amazon-calibre operations squad. My very own life reads like a blooper reel of Italian inefficiency.
My Automobile, Lacking in Mechanic Limbo
Let’s begin with my automobile. Eight months in the past, it broke down. Parked at a so-called “storage” and left there like an deserted Fiat from 1982. It hasn’t moved in eight months, nonetheless unfixed. Nonetheless blocked. Nonetheless a thriller. And no, the mechanic doesn’t reply emails, texts, or actuality. The automobile has principally taken early retirement in Tuscany.
Dolce & Gabbana? Not With out Sweat
Then got here my pilgrimage to Rome for the fantastic “From the Coronary heart to the Fingers: Dolce & Gabbana” couture exhibition. Trend Sistine Chapel, they name it. So I placed on my greatest tailor-made gown and headed off… proper into the useless air of a damaged automobile AC system. Mid-June, Roman warmth, visitors crawling like a dehydrated snail. By the point I arrived, I wasn’t fashion-forward — I used to be fabric-melted. If Kim Kardashian had confronted that air-con horror at Gritti Palace, I now absolutely perceive the drama. I used to be the melted model of Lauren Sánchez — minus the yacht and lace corset.
Poste Italiane: Epic Saga of the Printed Passport
Want a passport printed? In any functioning nation, this would possibly take an hour. In Italy? Half a day. I’m not even exaggerating. Three queues, two sweaty clerks, one malfunctioning printer, and a system crash later, I lastly had my journey doc. Solely took a complete afternoon and the persistence of a Tuscan saint.
Amazon, The place Artwork Thou?
And let’s not even discuss my Amazon driver. He took one have a look at my location, sighed into the app, marked it undeliverable, and easily went dwelling. No name. No knock. Only a digital vanishing act. Once I noticed how Bezos’ crew was coordinating container a great deal of Louis Vuitton baggage onto personal water taxis with NASA-level monitoring, I practically cried. Jeff, come choose up your individuals — and might you please drop them off at my home?
Venice Wasn’t Run — It Was Hijacked
Again in Venice, whereas the remainder of us had been looking for the final working fan, America rolled out its billion-dollar guidelines. Non-public water taxis, diamond tiaras, lost-and-found sweeps earlier than housekeeping dared enter a room — each single element deliberate and executed like a army gala on Rodeo Drive.
Italian workers had been fully sidelined. At one luxurious resort, a Gritti worker whispered that he was nonetheless ready on his new uniform. He wore one with a gap within the sleeve whereas the Kardashians melted in damaged AC. Within the land of atelier tailoring and five-star reverie, this was style treason. It was much less La Dolce Vita, extra Price range Specific with a chandelier.
Even the Press Room Was an Amazon Warehouse
The press room regarded much less like La Fenice and extra like a hyper-optimized Amazon delivery hub — ergonomic chairs, industrial aircon, rows of chargers, laptops buzzing like drones. I swear if anybody had coughed, Alexa would’ve handed them tissues.
Since you see, nothing was left to the Italians. Not the baggage. Not the occasions. Not even the espresso machine. Each resort that hosted company like Oprah, Mark Zuckerberg, or the Kardashians had American groups embedded into their partitions. When it got here time to take a look at, they scanned the rooms with high-beam flashlights for forgotten Cartier rings and crystal-embellished heels. Nothing left behind. Nothing trusted to the locals.
The Billionaires Got here, They Noticed, They Conquered
This wasn’t an Italian affair. This was Venice being colonized by Hollywood logistics and Bezos brilliance. The People got here, to not admire — however to dominate. They introduced the yachts, the lasers, the drones, the spreadsheets. And each Italian workers member simply watched, smiling by way of espresso-stained enamel, holding the fort whereas the billionaires performed.
And albeit, I get it.
After the month I’ve had?I’d rent Jeff’s crew too.
